stressed

stressed about moving, packing, cleaning, working, school, men, friends, habits, getting hit by other cars, exes, etc, etc, etc, and that I'm not good enough.

Grrrwollll mutha fuckaaa

To an Inconstant One

I LOVED thee once; I'll love no more—
Thine be the grief as is the blame;
Thou art not what thou wast before,
What reason I should be the same?
He that can love unloved again,
Hath better store of love than brain:
God send me love my debts to pay,
While unthrifts fool their love away!

Nothing could have my love o'erthrown
If thou hadst still continued mine;
Yea, if thou hadst remain'd thy own,
I might perchance have yet been thine.
But thou thy freedom didst recall
That it thou might elsewhere enthral:
And then how could I but disdain
A captive's captive to remain?

When new desires had conquer'd thee
And changed the object of thy will,
It had been lethargy in me,
Not constancy, to love thee still.
Yea, it had been a sin to go
And prostitute affection so:
Since we are taught no prayers to say
To such as must to others pray.

Yet do thou glory in thy choice—
Thy choice of his good fortune boast;
I'll neither grieve nor yet rejoice
To see him gain what I have lost:

-Sir Robert Ayton

Stardog Champion

Have fun, stay single.

He prayeth best, who loveth best

No one is capable of understanding that I am incapable of being in a relationship. I don't know why that's so hard to get but apparently it is. I absolutely love the idea of dating and marriage and all that, but when it comes down to it, I am so unprepared for any type of commitment that's it actually laughable. Like, I tell people that going into a relationship and it's always, "no, I've got it. It won't be like that this time." But it always is. Always.

As the common denominator, I think I know the situation best. Sadly.

I so so so so so so so can tell when you lie!

I'm not retarded, thanks. I can't stand anything more than someone who lies to me, actually. The thing is, people take advantage of it because I won't call them out on it, but I know they're doing it. Ugh, and then try to act like nothing is going on by being SUPER nice. Fuck that noise. I ain't stoopid.

Am I fixable by some real attention and talk of sex? One could assume so. How pathetic...

A month yesterday

Til graduation.
So sick of Barack's bullshit. Way to copy Rosario Murillo's speech. Idiot.
Little more than a month til Europe. Thank god.
Even Bush didn't have this many protesters in his first 100 days.

I am writing only in Haiku?

I now write only
In the old form of Haiku.
This is so Fight Club.

Ugh

Being sick blows, and I made funny faces the entire time during prom. I've been making a LOT of play lists lately. I can't figure why it's 'fun' for me, but it's definitely therapeutic.

I really love the song "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event. Thank goodness 102.9 changed it's format to Alt., because otherwise I would have never heard it. But it's a reallllly great song. :)

I've got a pretty bad Icee habit going now. The gas station people look at me like I'm crazy. Ha.

This time change "spring forward" crap has cut my day down. Granted, I was going to wake up late anyways, but still...

The jungle is dark but full of diamonds

My eyes are dry. Through all of my agony, I could never have cried.

There aren't enough colors to paint the pictures I want to paint for you.

I'd like to buy some more Goodwill furniture.

I wish I wouldn't let my parents down so. It is really hard for me to have them be angry at me for something I can't control.

I realise, again, that I'll have to get married young. Otherwise, I'd be a complete whore. Isn't it sad that I realise that?

Those Dr. Peale self help tapes just piss me off. They make me feel inferior.

I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's today and realised that I essentially want to grow up to be Audrey Hepburn's character, Holly.

I don't really understand Death of a Salesman.