I'd swim the ocean for you

I love you all so much. So much more than I love myself.
I can't begin to describe the immense despair that I'm in. I can't explain.
I don't know why I'm so damn depressed. It's so upsetting. I shouldn't be like this. There aren't bad things in my life. I have everything I need, I don't understand what's wrong.
Christmas is a very hard season for me. That and my birthday are very difficult for me. I get so depressed and I can't figure out why. I really wish I had a solution. I'm physically ill from my head. I can hardly move for my lack of ambition due to this depression.
I'm so sick of this. So tired of it.

Return to reality

I just struck myself. I used to be so well. I'm so not well right now. This summer, I could go for so long, an hour on the elliptical or biking and now, my legs give way after 5 minutes. I mean, I dn't gain weight or anything, I'm just that sick. All my energy and strength is gone. I only have enough for mandatory tasks, any energy that I try to exert past that my body refuses to allow. this is frustrating. i don't know how to fix it.

Black Hair and Shitty Relationships

My hair turned out black and I have blue glasses.

I'm so confused. Men only like me when they're drunk is all anything essentially comes down to though. They say they'd love to date me when they've been drinking, but as soon as they're sober, they just want to sleep with me. *rolls eyes* It pisses me off, honestly. Granted, I'm trying to, not necessarily avoid dating, but, make sure I can be stable on my own before I try to date someone again. It still is frustrating though, that I'm so "fuckable," but just not dateable. I don't know. I assumed I was a fairly pleasant person, I have a good number of friends and whatnot, people take to me quickly... it's just not enough, I suppose. I'm always, like, the backup. Or, the person they were going to get with until so-and-so came along. Or better than that is when everyone else assumes I'm going to start dating someone and they pass me over entirely. I guess I deserve it. Whatever.